“Hi Anna!!! A few things 1) I love your makeup / style 10/10 a fan and can’t wait to see you grow that part of your influencing even more 2) I live for your TIKTOKS because I moved to New York at 27 fresh off a very toxic relationship / situation 3) it’s been miserable dating in New York – I turn 29 in January and am not thriving in being single. I feel like 98% of all my friends have found their person and am just losing hope – any advice on this situation other than keeping at it? Or if you have a tiktok I should watch that maybe I missed haha. Just need some been there done that advice ifl”
My Dearest Bad Biddie,
Comparison is the thief of happiness. If I had spent my twenties using my girlfriends as a measuring stick for how I should have felt about myself, I would have rolled over and died right there. I spent the majority of my twenties failing at every career I wanted, feeling guilty about my parents supporting me while I failed at every career I wanted, and dating all the wrong men. Whilst I was achieving all of the above mediocrity, I watched my girlfriends flourish in their corporate careers, settle down with either their college sweethearts or the first guys they dated from the apps, and you know what? While I wasn’t successful at much in my twenties, I was successful at realizing that I was on my own path, no matter how atypical or twisted it was. Your twenties, and even your thirties, are a time when people experience “milestone moments” that to the outside world, signify you’ve “arrived” somewhere in life. Getting married, getting promoted, having a child. It was only until I realized that part of a life well lived is never arriving. It’s the constant forward motion of learning, growing, loving, hurting, and wondering that makes a life.
I don’t say this to discount how you feel, because trust me, I have absolutely been there, but what helped me embrace my singledom for as long as the universe wanted me to be single was to embrace what I loved about myself apart from my relationship with a man. I embraced having a career in real estate, even though it wasn’t my passion, because it afforded me the financial freedom to take myself out on solo dinner dates, I embraced having close relationships with my girlfriends, because it allowed me to realize that I was loved even if a man didn’t love me, and I embraced my family, because, as immigrants and refugees, they taught me that truly, anything can be overcome.
You already know you need to keep at it and keep going, but maybe you’ve forgotten that your life is beautiful even without a man in the picture right now. And even if it isn’t beautiful? You can make it beautiful. If you’re not happy with the girlfriends in your life, go out and make new ones (Bumble BFF ftw!), if you’re not happy with your career, figure out what you need to do to change careers or jobs so you can feel fulfilled at work, and if you’re not happy with your family, learn how to minimize and compartmentalize your interactions with them to only the necessary because it’s your peace at the end of the day, and you alone are responsible for keeping it.
Learn how to love your life without a man in the picture, because it’s what will make your life whole and complete once he does come into your life.
Love,
Your internet hype woman