“Hi gal! Absolutely love your page- just thought I’d ask for some advice in a bit of a tricky situation! Started dating my best friend of three years in September- it was very impromptu and while we’d slept together once a few months prior I’d never considered a relationship with him. It was great at the beginning although I asked him multiple times from the start whether his ex would be a problem (he really liked her!) which he very much said no. His father very unfortunately passed away midway through our relationship and I was really grateful to get to support him through it- this did mean that for most of the time our relationship was fairly one sided, especially since I have a large tendency to give rather than take. He broke up with me about three months in on the basis that he’d been thinking about his ex and “didn’t feel right”- since this was my biggest insecurity in the relationship it really hurt to have those fears validated. I also got a “I really wish it had been you” which didn’t help. He’s considered really attractive by the majority of people we know and I always felt a bit inferior in that sense, to the point where I think I sometimes overlooked him not being right for me because of this- he wasn’t attentive, didn’t pay attention to me in bed, didn’t make many efforts to see me even though we live five minutes away, wasn’t bothered sharing my interests- and yet here I am, still heartbroken AND having to see him constantly because we share the same friend group (where I honestly still find myself trying to be close to him under the guise of ‘being fine’.) Anyway, being the girl that wasn’t good enough for him to be over his ex, and when he gets his next girlfriend I will progress to not as good as her either- not sure what to do other than wallow.”
My Dearest Bad Biddie,
Throw yourself into your job. Make plans to hang out with your girlfriends. Take a solo trip somewhere. Sign up for a boxing class. Do something, anything, but wallow. Action, no matter how small, leads to more action, which paves the way forward out of the current situation you’re in.
When I got my heart broken in college, I decided to write terrible songs with the three chords I knew on my crappy guitar. When I got my heart broken after college, I signed up for Tinder. When I got my heart broken from a guy who I didn’t date for a very long period of time in my mid-twenties, I threw myself into a new career in real estate. And, when I got my heart broken in my late twenties by the guy who I thought I was going to marry, I started taking guitar lessons again. Unfortunately, I am still a terrible guitarist, but what I have done is moved the fuck on. You will never get to Point B from Point A if you refuse to take the first step out of the black hole that is Point A. Let the first step be messy, let it be temporary, let it be anything, but let it be a step. So often we wait for someone or something to give us a sign that we can or should move on when in reality, it was just you, all along, weighing yourself down with your thoughts of not being good enough.
You will always not be good enough for a man you’re not meant to be with. You will always be everything and more to the man you have yet to meet who will see you and love you without having to compare you to his past. But, most importantly, you must first learn to love yourself so fiercely that it doesn’t matter if you meet a hundred more men who tell you you’re not good enough, because it doesn’t. A lioness, really, does not give two fucks about the opinion of sheep – she’s a lioness for God’s sake, and so are you.
Love,
Your internet hype woman
Beautiful 😍
Thank you 🙂