“I know you usually give dating advice, but I could really use some general life advice. How do you keep going in general? Especially when you feel like you’re stuck in the same life every day and it just isn’t bringing you joy anymore. I’m single and 24, and my life didn’t turn out how I had hoped it would at this age. I know I’m young, but I’m just feeling so frustrated and stuck. Love ur account, especially dating in Orlando, I can definitely relate to your story times. Keep doing you and xo to your good girl Sawyer”
My Dearest Bad Biddie,
First, I hope you’re enjoying your Thanksgiving so far, no matter how blasé you may feel about life right now. Give yourself permission to use this holiday as an excuse to stop worrying about the direction your life is going because your only job today is to eat until you hate yourself.
I graduated college at the age of twenty-two with a goal in mind to “make it” as an actress before I hit the age of thirty. I told myself that if I couldn’t figure out how to financially support myself in the arts/media by then, I would quit and settle for a quiet life of being something “normal”, because clearly my life would be over at that point and there would be no sense in trying any further.
I turned thirty in 2020, at the height of the pandemic, to little fanfare. I hadn’t made it as an actress, and other than having a pretty decent gig as a real estate agent that I had quit during the pandemic, I really hadn’t accomplished much. There were lots of nights that year where I remember crying to my then-fiancé about how I felt like a massive failure and how I had squandered every opportunity my parents had afforded me through their lifetime of sacrifices. That was the year I started this blog. maybe both was a last-ditch effort to create something of my own. I was staring down the barrel of the rest of my life, wondering if the remainder of my days would be idling by as a suburban stay-at-home mom who once thought she could be something, but never actually made something happen. To be clear, this is not a dig at stay-at-home moms. There are plenty of women whose dream in life is to be a mom and not only are they damn good at it, but more importantly, they’re fulfilled by it. It was just not my dream.
All of this is to say, my dearest biddie, is that I’ve been there. I’ve felt the mediocrity of life and wondered how the hell I got there. But, here’s the thing – change doesn’t happen to you, you make change happen, and sometimes, or oftentimes, you make it happen in the smallest of ways, first. You make it happen by signing up to run that 5k you’ve always thought about, by taking a dance class you’ve always wanted to take, by enrolling in continuing education in a field you’ve always been curious about, and you go from there. It took me two years, almost to the day, of blogging to a very small audience of mostly my friends to get to the one video that changed my life. maybe both started off as a home decor blog under a different name, then a fashion blog, and then, on September 1st, 2022, became the advice column it is now. Life is an endless process of self-discovery, and there are no shortcuts to discovering yourself.
My dad always told me, in my lowest points, that all you can do is try. Nothing in life is guaranteed, but oftentimes, if you keep trying, you stumble upon where you’re supposed to be. I hope you keep trying so you can get to that point, and I hope you remember that there are talents and magic locked inside of you that you’re not even aware of, yet. Start small by learning how to crawl in a new field or hobby and then one day you’ll look back and realize you’ve learned how to fly. And, as I always say, never forget that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel if we bring our own lighter.
Gratefully,
Your internet hype woman
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