“Hey Anna, I saw your tik tok about not giving yourself to someone until you have the labels. I am struggling with not getting commitment from guys at the moment. And when I did ask a guy about being at least exclusive 2 months in he gaslit me saying it was way too soon (clearly a bad one) but my point is does that mean you become bf and gf sooner or you wait months to have sex with them? Do guys really stay around?”
My Dearest Bad Biddie,
There is no appropriate length of time at which point a relationship magically turns from a caterpillar into a butterfly and it becomes socially acceptable to become exclusive. That is to say, it wasn’t too soon for you to ask, and instead of this Chad telling you that it was too soon for you to ask, he should have said that he didn’t want exclusivity, because that was the freaking truth.
I think it would be helpful for us to rephrase your question of whether “you become bf and gf sooner or you wait months to have sex with them?” into “does this man want to be my boyfriend and truly commit to me before I consider whether or not I want to have sex with him?” If it takes you and him, collectively, months to answer that question, then yes, you wait months to have sex with him. If it takes you and him, collectively, two dates to answer that question, then you wait maybe three dates to have sex with him. I say the word “collectively” here because it truly does take two to tango, and it’s not enough for you to ask yourself the question, because he needs to ask himself the same question and the two of you must answer it in the same way for a relationship to work.
And while the bad news is that there are a lot of guys out there who will not wait around, there are plenty of guys out there who will wait around until you are comfortable sharing not just a meal with them, but also your body with them. Those guys will see you for more than just a warm body at the end of a lonely night, they will see you for the wild, weird, and wonderful woman you are inside and out. In the meantime, stay single and stay true to what you want until you find the guy who wants the same things you want.
Your internet hype woman
Leave a Reply