“Hey girl! I’ve been following you on tiktok and watching all your videos for a while now and i absolutely love your content so much!! Especially on days where I feel like absolute shit. Last night I ended things with this guy, we’ve been dating for about two months now, we met on hinge back in late July, beginning of august and he was absolutely so sweet and quite attractive so we began talking. At first, I was very nonchalant and cautious because I had just finished completely healing and getting over this one guy that I was in love with for two years, and that was extremely difficult and I just didn’t think I’d be able to catch feelings like that ever again. Well, things begin going so well with this new guy, I feel like I can communicate easily with him, he’s so sweet and such a gentleman, great listener, we have so much in common and kissing him gave me butterflies. What could possibly go wrong? Sometimes I felt not as attracted to him as he was to me, or I thought that I wouldn’t be able to feel as strongly as he probably will for me. Well, regardless I kept going and I continued to date him and we both knew what we were looking and for and wanted something serious with each other. A month into us dating, i decide that I want to have sex with him to feel more emotionally connected to him and we have been waiting and there was a risk of losing him in my head if I proceeded, but I did it anyway. And it did bring me emotionally closer to him. Things were going even better for us and I couldn’t wait for the day we were in an actual relationship. “I love yous” almost slipped my mouth a few times because of how strongly I felt, even tho there’s no way in hell I would’ve said anything like that so soon. Anyways, a week or so later (this may be tmi sorry) I got a call from my doctor saying I tested positive for chlamydia, and I was in absolute shock because I had not been with anyone in 7 months prior to us and I had taken this test a week before we had sex. request this test personally, I had a general checkup appointment and std testing is procedure and there was no way in HELLLL that I ever remotely expected a positive test back. Well, I told him within a few hours after finding out even tho I was so scared and he was stunned and worried but he was THERE FOR ME and I was sick bc of the antibiotics I took and he took care of me. I apologized tremendously and he told me that it was okay and not to be sorry. We were fine and even closer in my opinion till a week later when things began to change bro. I got really emotional that following weekend and (it’s mercury retrogrades fault I swear) and honestly it felt like he didn’t really care as much to hear what I had to say because he wouldn’t really respond to it or make me feel better when I was crying and telling him my insecurities. Then, he began talking to me less and being short with me. We’re longish distance and he normally drives to me because I don’t have a car rn and he began telling me that he’s been spending way too much money and that it’s not my fault but he’s gonna have to see me less and that got me upset because he began expecting me to say something about it in return when I responded to him the previous night saying that damn like I didn’t mean to be a financial burden, I’m here if you need anything and I completely understand if we need to see each other less bc u gotta work and such. It was just so outta nowhere. And then he began to talk to me less even MORE and would avoid coming down to see me and just never say anything ab when he would see me again which is so unusual of him. That following weekend, he told me that he was actually a lil bit upset w me, and I said, oh so that’s why you’ve been acting differently. I questioned him earlier saying he’s been different and he’s like lol how, and that night we got into an argument and he told me he was mad bc I gave him the sti and I was like wtf I never ever meant to give that you, I apologized tremendously and asked him that there’s gotta be more why are you acting so different, do you even want this anymore? And he was like I don’t know what the future holds, multiple times. And I say, well nobody does! Lemme know when you feel better and have a response to that, and ended the conversation. Both of us cried. The next morning I begged him to come and he wouldn’t. Always saying he’s busy and shit but goes and hangs w his friends. (I have his location lmao I always know where he’s at and when he’s lying to me ab having no time) he was avoiding me. So we don’t talk and then on Wednesday, i impulsively decide to go to Nyc and find him, running on two hours of sleep. If he was avoiding me, I was gonna do something ab it. I wanted to talk to him, figure things out and I missed him so much. We finally caught each other and I kept on telling him how upset and how shitty everything has felt and that he has to talk to me if he wants this to work out. He confirmed he still wanted them to workout, and that we missed each other and that he would be more open with me. He cried, I had already cried before seeing him and he said he felt so bad that he was making me feel this way. Anyways, we left happily and things felt like they were going to get better. We were good for a day or two and things were alright, but it still felt like he had been talking to me less. Like yes, I know you’re busy but you end up at these random locations, are always with your friends, and it’s like you never have time for me anymore and I’m no longer anywhere near being your priority. I just don’t feel like he cares for me the same or as much anymore, and I’ve had to ask him twice to hangout and he’s always been too busy. My best friend encouraged me to end things w him so many times, and I’ve been considering it but then he texted me FINALLY that he missed me so I’m like okay you saved yourself. But yesterday I asked him when in his schedule would he have time for us to hangout soon and he’s like I’m working, and then won’t continue after I tell him my schedule. And he also told me he needs to spend more time with his friends because he barely sees them, I’m over here screaming in my head SO WHAT ABOUT ME??? anyways it was like 2am last night and I decided to write a draft about how I wanna end things and it ended up being this long ass paragraph but I said everything as to why and how I don’t feel like he cares about me the same we he used to and can’t communicate and that I’m sorry I can’t give him what he needs and that I hope he finds someone who can give him what he needs. And I sent that at 3am, he hasn’t responded at all to this very minute and honestly at this point I don’t expect him to. I have no idea what he feels but I doubt he’s gonna do anything about it. Earlier i felt like I fcked up by doing that and to this moment I don’t know how to feel. What do you think? Im sorry for the HUGE spam i know this is a lot, I just feel like I had to tell you everything for you to understand my pov, and honestly this was a vent more than anything as well and you don’t have to read all that or respond to everything if you don’t want to, but it’d be amazing if you did I’d absolutely deeply appreciate your advice!😭😭💗💗 thank you so much for being an amazing inspiration, pls never stop ❣️❣️❣️❣️“
My Dearest Bad Biddie,
This man is an absolute monster. While he may not have explicitly stated that he was committed to only dating you, he had no problem implicitly stating that through his actions and leading you on. I want to first say that A) I’m so proud of you for ending it with him, but also, B) You need to stay TF away from him and here’s why: He was a dude you met off of a dating app who led you on, hooked up with other women, contracted an STD from said other women, gave the STD to you, and then blamed you for giving an STD to him. It’s called gaslighting and honey, you’ve been gaslit.
The bright side is, chlamydia is a very treatable STD, if you haven’t figured that out already. And the other bright side is, you figured out that this man has sociopathic tendencies before you went any further, or, God forbid, married him.
Don’t blame yourself for being confused, because that’s exactly what he intended to do. The definition of gaslighting is “a psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind.” He abused you into believing that you were the problem, that you needed to apologize to him, and that ultimately, you were to blame for the downfall of your relationship. My bad biddie, although it sounds like your friends have told you this already, I’m telling you here once more: you were never the problem. Allow yourself to be confused and then let it TF go. I can’t explain to you why this pathetic excuse of a man decided to do what he did to you, just like I can’t explain why some people feel the need to go shoot up an elementary school, but crazy behavior doesn’t need an explanation because there is no explanation for crazy.
You will never find closure from this guy you dated who gave you an STD and then tried to blame you for it. But what you can do is find closure in the fact that you dated a crazy man and you had the strength to let it go. One day, you will look back and understand why you thought it was all so complicated when it really was this simple, but until that day, block his a$$ on all forms of communication and heal yourself so that you can find a real man who actually makes things simple for you.
Love,
Your internet hype woman
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