“I just sat at a bar alone for the first time ever. I sat there and enjoyed my space. I — of course — had to read your blog while there to be deep in thought and protect myself from unwanted conversation and I could not be more grateful to you for having given me that. 💛”
My Dearest Bad Biddie,
It’s 2:19am where I am, and even though you didn’t ask me for advice, I’m writing to you because I’m grateful to have seen your message pop up while I was doom scrolling through my phone tonight (or this morning? It feels very much like night). Your message reminded me of some of my happiest *single* days in NYC. Sometime in mid-2017, I found myself extremely sober, extremely vegan, extremely single, and extremely happy. Despite the fact that I had no romantic prospects, no mind-altering substances, or even a cheeseburger to lean on, it was one of the most blissful periods of my life because I felt connected to the work I was doing, and really, nothing else mattered. I don’t know what drives you, but if you’re anything like me, having a purpose while financially being able to support yourself feels like a good reason to get up in the morning.
It was around this time that I started dining alone – partially because it was the first time in my life I had made enough money to justify going out to dinner alone, but partially because I felt like fancy dinners or drinks shouldn’t be reserved exclusively for the coupled up biddies of Manhattan. I couldn’t control when I was going to find my husband, but I could savor every last bite of the soy Peking buns from Franchia despite, or maybe actually because, I was dining alone (it’s hard to really enjoy food in the animalistic way I want to when I’m also trying to determine if the man sitting across from me could be my husband).
I’m so glad I was there with you tonight, like a weird friendly ghost keeping you company while you leaned into your solitude, hopefully reminding you that even when you are alone, you’re never really alone. Which, kind of sounds creepy, but like, call me Casper. And, as I sit here, very awake at a very late hour, I’m glad you’re with me, reminding me that despite my ten thousand intrusive thoughts about where the fuck my life is going and whether I’m making the right career choices or whether I’m going to screw everything up, I’m not alone. I have a reason to wake up tomorrow morning, because I have a purpose, and it’s talking to you and the rest of my biddies so none of us have to feel lonely even when we are alone.
Your internet hype woman