Hello, your post today gave me the courage to tell you a bit about my breakup. My ex and I broke up almost 6 months ago and had absolutely no contact whatsoever since then until very recently (although neither of us deleted the other off of social media) it wasn’t a bad breakup. Ultimately we realized that there was an important issue we didn’t agree on, well when we first started dating he said he agreed with me but after some soul searching on his part he realized he didn’t agree with me after all. He was honestly really good to me, very respectful and pursued me the way a man should pursue a woman. I’m truly not angry about why we broke up but when he told me that he didn’t agree with me we both decided we didn’t know how to make the relationship work so it was a mutual breakup and honestly probably the worlds best breakup. No hard feelings for either of us but it still hurt like hell. I cried for weeks. Well, about 3 weeks ago he released a sad song that he had written about the breakup and me (he’s an artist). At first I didn’t want to just assume it was about me but it was pretty obvious. He put a line from my favourite sad song in it that we listened to when we were together. And that same day he sent a heart reaction to my ig story which is suspicious since we hadn’t had any contact. He also posted it to his tiktok with the caption that he loves and misses me and titled the song “maybe” when he doesn’t even use the word in the song. Like maybe what? Then a few days ago he was at a wedding that I was supposed to be his date for but obvi that didn’t work out, and he posted a story of him dancing to the song uptown funk and singing along to my fav line in the song, which I also told him about. It seems to me that he is really trying hard to get my attention but I also just feel really confused. What am I supposed to think of all of this or what am I supposed to do? I haven’t reached out to him at all because I don’t feel like it’s on me since it was because he didn’t agree with me that we broke up in the first place but I also just don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it? Any advice from you would be greatly appreciated.
My dearest bad biddie,
You should consider yourself both lucky and unlucky. Lucky in the sense that you had, what sounds like the world’s most respectable and amicable breakup. Unlucky in the sense that your ex maybe probably most definitely still misses you and in many ways, that makes the break up even harder.
You’re not reading too much into it, your ex is throwing around a big red flag saying “HEY GIRL, I MISS YOU, BUT I’M TOO AFRAID TO TELL YOU SO HERE ARE ALL THE PASSIVE WAYS I CAN DO IT BECAUSE I KNOW YOU’RE WATCHING.” But here’s the thing, it’s one thing to miss someone, it’s another to know that that someone is THE ONE. And from what you’re telling me, you are not the one for your ex and your ex is not the one for you, because if there are fundamental differences in your core values, it will not work, and you’re better off for realizing it now than thirty years into a marriage wondering where you went wrong.
But here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter if he misses you and it doesn’t matter if he writes ten more songs that are not about you but really are about you. What matters is that he is a part of your past and by continuously following along on his social media, reading into his not-so-cryptic messages and songs, and wondering what it all means, you are conning yourself out of a future with a new guy. A guy who will be just as respectful and pursue you the way you want to be pursued and maybe won’t write songs about you but most definitely will share your core values.
It’s not going to work with your ex, not now, not later, likely not ever, but you already knew that. What you need to know now is that if you’re ever going to make it towards that bright, shiny, future with the guy who shares your core values, you need to be the one to have the courage to cut ties with your past. And by cut ties, I mean, unfollow, block, block some more, and move TF on, inch by inch. It might sound drastic, but if you want your life to change drastically, you have to be prepared to take drastic measures. Because you deserve more than this – this weird limbo maybe world where you both love and miss each other but know you can’t be together, and quite frankly, he deserves more than this, too. Be the first one to let go so you can both be free.
Love,
Your internet hype woman
“Be the first one to let go so you can both be free” This really is a form of love in itself. A love for yourself and for him. It takes strength and courage to walk away especially when the feelings are still there.