“Hi Anna, congrats on your wedding! 🤗 can I ask for your advice? I went on a date with a guy this week who came across as genuine but towards the end it was very clear that he only wanted something casual and physical, which isn’t for me. I’m having a hard time dating because men perceive me as this fun girl that likes to travel and is open to new experiences. Also, my youthful face and down to earth demeanor makes me come off as naive and easy. I keep on attracting these guys that come off too strong and are just looking for a fun time.. I’m also living abroad in Italy but work for a tech company and attend a masters program full time so I just wish guys just took me seriously…”
My Dearest Bad Biddie,
How anyone perceives you is none of your business, because if you spend your life trying to be the girl who doesn’t like to travel, isn’t open to new experiences, and is high off of her own supply, you’ll spend the entirety of your days living a lie. How youthful or haggard you may or may not look has no bearing on whether a man wants a committed relationship with you or not. Being a stick in the mud who looks twenty years older than her actual age will not convince a man to commit to you. At the end of the day, it’s not your fault.
So much of life is learning how to change what we have the capability to change, and how to let go of what we cannot change. Other people’s perceptions of you, oftentimes, have nothing to do with you, and while you won’t be able to change those perceptions, you can change how you perceive yourself. Biddie, from my highly unqualified viewpoint, it appears that you’ve decided that being a fun girl who likes to travel and is open to new experiences with a youthful face and down to earth demeanor is, somehow, a negative trait. It’s not.
Learn to fall in love with the person you are, because from where I’m standing, the person you are has a lot to offer the right guy who does want a committed relationship with you. You haven’t found him yet, and that’s okay, because, in the meantime, you can learn to love the fuck out of your life. And part of learning to really, truly, deeply love your life and who you are is learning how to let go, as quickly as humanly possible, of the men who don’t serve your needs. Most of the men you meet will not be “the one,” because that’s why it’s called “the one” in the first place. There is only one, at the end of the day, and the sooner you let go of all the men that aren’t him, the sooner you’ll get to meeting him. I hope, in the meantime, that you learn to judge yourself just a little less and love yourself infinitely more.
Your internet hype woman