“Hi! I’ve seen your tik toks and love your page! I’m moving to New York this summer for a job and can’t wait. I’m still in law school rn so I had a question for you about approaching a guy at the bar. At a bar, trying to go home with a guy you semi-know. How do you show you’re into it w/out coming off desperate? You’ve had a convo ab how he frequently feels he comes off as creepy when asking girls to go home w/ him and is jaded from those experiences. Thank you in advance!!! 🏻”
My Dearest Bad Biddie,
This man is not ready to date or even hook up with you if he can’t figure out how to approach you. Matter of fact, he’s not ready to date any woman if he can’t figure out how to approach one without coming off creepy AF. It’s not your job to mindf*ck him into believing you’re interested but not that interested. It’s your job to realize that either or both of the following two things are true:
- He hasn’t learned how to talk to women and is deeply insecure about that fact OR
- He’s just not that interested in you and senses that you’re interested in him, but instead of telling you he’s not interested, he’s going to tell you some make-believe story of how he’s “jaded from those experiences” and therefore is hoping you never expect anything from him.
I don’t know this man you semi-know, so I can’t tell you which of the above is true. They could both be true. Or one could be more true than the other, but still both true. What I can tell you is, a man who is interested in a woman will figure out a way, come hell or high water, to approach that woman. You will drive yourself nuts trying to make him understand you’re into him, but not that into him, because you being into him has no weight on whether or not he’s into you. He will either want to sleep with you or not, and if you’re interested in more than just casually hooking up with him, he will either want to date you or not.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, this is horribly depressing, why is this random internet biddie telling me that this guy I like isn’t into me when all I asked for was actionable advice on how to approach him? Because the sooner you figure out that your time is better spent finding the men who don’t need you to guide them into bed or into a date, the sooner you’ll find the men who will approach you and see you for the wild, weird, beautiful, and sexy woman you are without your help. You have so much going for you – you’re about to graduate law school, move to the greatest city in the world (this is subjective to my opinion), and start your career as a freaking attorney (how cool is that?!). Don’t waste any of your precious time on a man who has no idea how to pick you up, no matter how hot or cool or kind or whatever you think he is. I promise you that while he’s not as hot or cool or kind as you think he is, you’re definitely as hot or cool or kind as I think you are, and one day you’ll find a guy who sees that, too.
Your internet hype woman
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