“Hi there! I want to say thank you for making the content that you do! You don’t know how much it helps Women like us who are dealing or had to deal with shitty relationships with Men who couldn’t understand our worth and oh lord can I relate with this. Last year I met a boy on a dating app right at the beginning of 2021, thought we hit it off pretty well – and after a while I started to see myself really liking this dude. However, I remember I made this mistake of opening up to this dude regarding my stance on religion & how I was no longer religious & I felt like the dynamic of our relationship (if that’s how you describe it) changed. He broke up with me the next day telling me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. The heartbreak seeing that text didn’t hit me until 30 minutes later and I spent the later part of that evening till the night crying my eyes out. I couldn’t even sleep that night since the breakup was weighing heavy on my mind. I did what I shouldn’t have done & that was to basically send him a long paragraph taking back what I said about everything, my religious stance, how much I really love him, how he is my better half. Yes I was quite literally weak in the knees & had to stand up in the morning but I was so vulnerable and really wanted this man in my life but it was a HUGE mistake that I wish I didn’t make because right now I regret it. He started to hurt my feelings later on anyways, he would take hours or even a day or 2 to respond to my texts and then a day or 2 became several days of no texts or calls. He would post on his snap story but wouldn’t get back to my messages straight away. He loved bombed me so much and basically sold me this false reality, he would tell me how much he wanted to spoil me, take me out on dates and despite having been with this man for over a year I only went out with him once and I didn’t count that as a date simply because it was unplanned, he had no idea on what to do & it just felt like 2 old friends catching up rather than a date. We went out to the cinema and to eat afterwards which isn’t much tbh considering how he had promised he would take me on all these dates. Anyways fast forward to august of last year he ghosted me for 2 whole weeks whilst I seen him post on his snap during this period of time. At first I was worried until I realised he was doing fine and just ghosted me for no reason. When I confronted him on why he did it, he remained silent and couldn’t even give me a solid answer. That should have been my cue to leave but once again my weakness got the better of me. I remember early September I had enough and finally confronted him about why he never spoils me or takes me out or just makes me feel loved or appreciated, why can’t he be consistent in communicating. Instead of accepting accountability he deflects tells me that he has a “work life” & “social life” and I was just a part of his “social life”. And that if I wanted to leave then he would personally open the door for me. I was so heartbroken I cried the whole night, but despite all of this I still wanted him to come back into my life begging for me so I tried..To use the law of assumption and it works, he came back a day later and when we called he did apologise but it’s not like things got better, communication was still lacking. From October anyways we stopped speaking all the way till Mid November. He tried calling me and trying to contact me during this period of silence. After we started talking again, he said he would call me everyday. Which didn’t last for long Ofc. Anyways, there was a time where I was sending him texts he didn’t reply to but had the audacity to post a girl on his IG story wishing her a happy birthday which made me angry. When I tried confronting him about it he basically tried to deflect, tried to poke fun at my anger and wasn’t trying to take me seriously saying I was trying to start a fight and he wasn’t going to let that happen. He then told me she is just a friend but also told me in the past he doesn’t believe Males & Females could be friends because of the possibility of romantic feelings blossoming. For my birthday in December he wished his friend hours before he wished me. He never wanted to do anything for mine but when I wanted to do something for his he didn’t want to. He also asked me for money so many times and I was stupid enough to lend it to him because he would promise he would pay it back to which he never did. And when I asked him about it he ended blocking me even though he told me he would pay it back. After months of no contact he would try his best to contact me by repeatedly calling and texting. He would try and say weird things to get my attention by responding. He even tried to lie recently by telling me he got into Uni and I responded to him telling him to not text me, he asked if I missed him to which I made it clear I didn’t miss the manipulation and toxicity that came from him. He told me that was never the real him, the him he showed me was the person I wanted and I should get to know the real him. He started asking if we could be together and said he didn’t really love me but after a while of talking he started to like me. Weirdly enough after that interaction he deleted his messages on WhatsApp. I called him back and he tried to basically tell me everything he told me about himself was a lie including his name and stuff. When I told him to pay the money back he tried to deny he owed me anything. I told him to give it back and just hanged up the phone on me and refused to answer when I would call back. So yeah the emotional toll this took on me, I haven’t healed from. I feel so betrayed everyday I think of him and remember how disgusting I felt, how stupid I was to have lent him money, how stupid I was to allow myself to be used, gaslighted and manipulated. How stupid I was to keep giving him chances when he kept losing respect for me and kept receiving the short end of the stick. Idk if I’ll ever find my dream person. I’m only 22 but my first relationship is already my worst. After my recent interaction with my shitty ex it made me feel horrible about myself. I wish I didn’t meet him, I wish he didn’t come into my life. And despite everything he subjected him too I just can’t stop thinking about him and getting this romanticised fantasy version of him in my head when the reality is he is far from that. Any advice to give please let me know. Thank you so much for reading I know it was a long read 😭”
My Dearest Bad Biddie,
I’ll let you in on a secret that’s not really a secret: your first relationship is, most of the time, always the worst. The good news is that this relationship will certainly not be your last, and the bad news is that it might take you a few more shitty relationships to get to a good one. When I was twenty-two, I dated a guy who was also twenty-two, and who I was convinced was going to be my husband. He was Jewish, I was not, and I was prepared to go through the rigorous process of converting for him until he realized that finding a woman who was Jewish by birth was important to him. Neither of us knew what we wanted when we entered into that relationship, because we were twenty-two, and by being in that relationship, we both learned a lot about what we wanted and what we didn’t want.
The guy you were involved with, let’s call him Chad, is, at best, unhealed, and at worst, a total freaking monster. Block him on all forms of communication, lest he try again to re-enter your life. We hang onto the fantasy of who a guy could be when we don’t think the guy who is already everything we want is out there. As someone who has a decade on you (but is still learning), trust me when I say: he is out there, and Chad is not that guy.
You weren’t stupid for trusting him time and time again, you were learning, and if nothing else, I hope you learn this: that you are more than what someone did or didn’t do to you, you are what you decide to do next. And maybe what you decide to do next isn’t some grand thing where you save yourself by saving the world. Maybe what you decide to do next is download a dating app and go from there. It’s the little things we do that lead to the big things that happen to us, and I can’t wait to see what you do next.
Your internet hype woman
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